Later losers!

I’ve left Bø for good. My flight home is on Tuesday, I’ll be back on sweet Washington soil by Wednesday. I’m thrilled to be out of the Norwegian version of the town from Footloose, but not so happy to be leaving my friends and Norway. I met a lot of people this semester, some of you are amazing heroes (Chanels No. 1-6) and some of you are awful weirdos who wouldn’t know fashion if it slapped you upside the head.

It’s no secret that this semester was difficult for me. I’m incredibly mentally unstable, so everything is difficult for me. If I forget to say hi back to someone who greets me in passing, I’ll obsess about it for a week. If I think I look ugly I’ll spend the whole day hiding from people and usually sneak into the woods so no human is forced to look upon my visage. I’m like Baldwin IV, Crusader king of Jerusalem. He had leprosy.

I was finally forced to come to terms with a significant trauma in my life, which is part of the reason why I’m so mean and nasty (shout out to the Pierce County Sheriff’s Department!). Also Arwen, my cat child that I raised from a tiny kitten, died while I was gone. I lost the cat who spent every night during the worst years of my life curled up next to me. The emotional blows left me feeling like an old dried out corn cob (nibbled upon). So I’m sorry if I wasn’t as nice or as fun or as accommodating as I could’ve been, but whatever. At least you’re not me.

My friends really made this semester. I’ve spent the last 5 months marinating in a sublime soup of female company, made up of Elise, Vince, Kelsie, Karin, and Andrea (from the Luther crewther as I annoyingly call it). Jackson is also my good buddy pal but he’s not a girl so he’s more like the dinner roll that you eat with the soup. I know lots of people (idiots) think women are catty and mean, but my female friends have never told me I look like a stupid hoe or insulted me during a game of cards. In return for their love and generosity I provided them with an excellent example of what not to do in your life. Andrea is going to visit the PLU crew this spring and we’re all going to collect sand dollars together together, now that I’ve written it in a blog post the contract is sealed. The rest of you can come too if you stop pronouncing Rainier wrong.

This is embarrassingly nice and incredibly off-brand for me, but my friends are really so good. They told me that they thought I was smart, really smart. That was incredible for me, because I think I’m quite stupid and have been told that more than once. I know a lot about Lewis & Clark but not much else. I was just blown away. Like wow, how could they have such a high opinion of me? These people are truly 6 of the 8 wonders of the world. 7 and 8 are Arwen and Sailor. Sure they’re not around anymore but neither is the Hanging Garden of Babylon and that pile of crap is considered a wonder.

I did not enjoy my academic experience because HSN is a poorly run school where nobody is ever in their offices. All the classes were pathetically easy. As a 3rd year Norwegian language student I didn’t especially enjoy going over the alphabet in class. I know very well that I’m not perfect in Norwegian and I make lots of mistakes, but come on. Most of the material was literally taken from a book I already own. I probably sound incredibly obnoxious but I won’t be able to take Norwegian this spring and was really hoping to be pushed hard during this last semester. We hardly ever met for the friluftsliv class and Regional Identity was 2 hours weekly of the most boring parts of Norway’s history. St. Olav who? Let’s yet again talk about logging and the invention of nynorsk. I know nothing interesting has ever happened in Telemark but there’s no need to punish us for that.

However, Norway in general is simply sublime. Everything is so organized and quiet and the people are friendlier than I’ve been told, except for young Norwegian men, who only communicate through nervous glances. I would have liked to see more dogs in malls but most of the world is woefully regressive on this point so I won’t single out Norway. Here you’re free to wear aggressively Nordic knitwear. I felt like I was finally living my truth.

I’ll be continuing my blog after getting home, I never miss a chance to torture others with my heinous opinions. It will still be written in 2 languages, although I’m very sensitive about my Norwegian right now because the cashier at 7-11 didn’t understand when I asked for a piece of carrot cake. It was embarrassing. I’ll probably make a post with like every picture I took so be prepared to have your tits blown clean off!

Here’s a list of some topics I’ll soon be absolutely butchering:

“How To Set Things On Fire and Get Away with It”

“We’d All Be Worthless Scum Without Dogs”

“An Exhaustive List of Everyone Who Has Ever Wronged Me and The Punishments They’ll Receive in Hell”

“Why You Deserved to be Bitten by That Dog”

“The Tragic Fashion Disasters of People I Personally Know”

“How to Astral Project into Your Enemies’ Nightmares”

“Why Animals Should Rise Up and Annihilate Humanity”

and finally,

“Cursed Images: Part Two”

Now to those who knew me in Bø: I have eyes and ears everywhere, and if you badmouth me I’ll drop a nasty secret about you in a post and tag you in it. If I don’t know a secret I’ll make one up.

Ta det med ro og jeg skal se deg igjen snart, Norge.

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