A few days ago, Arwen died in her sleep. She had been sick for a long time, but we thought she would get better. She was only 10 and I believed that she would live to 20 and that I would have her with me in my adult life. My heart is broken.
It’s no secret that Arwen was hard to love. She was aggressive, irritable, and a biter. She was the “bad sister” out of our two cats. I loved her so much more for this, because I saw myself in her. I’m the bad one, the difficult one, the one who always messes up. I was sick too for a long time when I was younger, and it made me a prickly ball of anger, just like Arwen. I loved her with my whole heart, because I knew no one else would put in the effort to love her in such a way. She had a heart of gold though and she returned my love a million times over. A lot of backwards philistines think that cats can’t feel love but there was no mistaking what Arwen felt.
She was happiest when being held and always wanted to be as close as possible to people. She used to fall asleep on my chest with her nose in my face. I could walk around with her draped around my neck like a scarf. She had to be in everyone’s business, always trying to get close to the family and see what we were doing. Arwen hated closed doors, separation from people was torture for her. She meowed constantly, always offering her opinion.
A lot of people don’t understand the sadness when pets die, because to them animals are interchangeable. But every animal is an individual, a person. There is so much more to animals than we know, more than we could ever measure with our stupid little science experiments. I had Arwen for a decade and knew her every quirk, and she knew mine. That’s why I’m so sad, because Arwen is gone and she can never be replaced. Animal love is so perfect because there is no anger, no resentment, no lingering memories of past transgressions. Nothing mars it. It is only love. I still think about my dog every day a year after his death because I loved him so strongly. God, I will never stop missing Sailor and Arwen.
I don’t really feel like translating today, so it’s just in english. I know this post isn’t funny or probably all that interesting, but sometimes I’m not funny or interesting, just sad.